How could this go wrong? We point out the things we like and hate about each other.
Joel
The Joel Review:
First and Foremost Ryan and Bob would like to discuss Joel’s laziness. LAZY! SO LAZY! For one Joel’s physical appearance is comparable to Skeletor of Masters of the Universe, now Bob is no He-Man, but he at least weighs more than a hundred pounds. We can attribute much of Joel’s lack of body mass to his scant diet, severe inactivity, and hermit like 12 hours of sleep a day conditions. Joel does, however, have the impressive yet ferret-like ability to collapse his whole tiny body frame and cram himself in even the smallest of holes his dad punches in the wall.
Joel’s appearance leaves much to be desired, Bob once threatened to turn Joel over and use his hair as a mop. Aside from being third-worldly skinny, he constantly wears tiny shirts that even Ken from Barbie would struggle to put on himself. We know that there are other sizes that would fit him more comfortably, but he decides to expose his nipples and ribs world. He used to wear thick, black, emo framed, fake glasses, but by an act of God they were crushed by his own hand.
Joel undoubtedly has a pathological lying problem, because he feels he needs to make up for things and impress us all fields of everything that has ever existed. He says he doesn’t lie anymore, but you can tell it’s a lie; we all lie from time to time. There’s also a rumor going around that Joel used his fake grandpa’s death to get out of a relationship, you have to give him credit for having enough nerve to do so, but sweet lord that’s a hard pill to swallow. Moving onward…
As we mentioned before, Joel is LAZY, MY GOD LAZY, lazier than Ryan and Bob on a Nyquil overdose. His work ethic is comparable to a 245 pound prostitute that just can’t quite pull up those fishnet stockings. His work experience ranges from complaining about being bored to ruining things that are getting done. Not to mention that he sleeps until the crack of noon on any day that doesn’t precede a school day, and stays in his pajamas until dinner, whereupon heading back to bed to sleep until the next noon, vicious, vicious cycle.
We suppose Joel’s intelligence is that of a worker of a poorly ventilated spray paint factory, and not a fraction smarter. If it doesn’t have car crashes and/or explosions it can’t keep his attention or at least a “sweet” guitar solo. We think Joel’s ultimate death is him riding atop a crashing, flaming car whilst playing the solo to Fade to Black by Metallica, but that’s just our opinion. Showing Joel how to do something is like working with the handicapped, except not nearly as rewarding because he forgets everything you tell him as soon as noon strikes and killer guitar solos are dancing in his head.
You’re probably assuming by now that we hate Joel, quite the contrary, it’s his faults that make us feel superior. I think you’ll find Joel to be a good guy if you don’t mention anything at which he might be, or want to be, good. Joel gets a 100% in our review, we love you Joel!
Ryan
The Great Ryan Guthridge Review.
By: Bob-0
What can you say about someone who acts exactly like me? Sure he weighs about twice what I do, and he could probably punch a hole in a brick wall, where I have a problem punching a hole through a wet paper towel. Yet our speech and mindsets are way too similar to be ignored. In these next couple paragraphs I will sit down and tell who the man behind the comic is, Ryan Guthridge.
The drawings of Ryan in the comics are so inaccurate; I think a two year old on valium could do a better depiction. He doesn’t have green hair, he wears nothing but wife beaters (one time he took a silver wife beater off and he had a white one on under it!), he reminds of an Italian incredible hulk. He likes hanging out with me because it makes him look stronger and better looking when he hangs out with ugly weaklings. I’m like Olive Oil to his Pop-eye, minus the whole spinach and damsel in distress deal. I think he purposely wears girly shirts just so people will pick fights with him. He has a pink girl scout’s shirt for God’s sake.
His taste in music runs from interesting to totally hella-gay. He likes Alice in Chains quite a bit, 311 as well, I approve of those bands. Yet if I find one more “Supa Fresh Rap CD,” or anything similar, I’ll have to confront him and prepare for the ass kicking of a life time. He has probably the worst grammar of anyone I’ve ever seen, usually I let things slide, but whenever he ends his sentence in “at” or other prepositions. My Obsessive Compulsive disorder kicks in and I correct all the errors on every homepage possible. I also hear he has syphilis, oops that was between him and his physician.
By now he’s probably turned green and has torn apart both of his “beaters,” but I’ll continue. I think everyone can tell that he’s a pathological liar, he lies even when he doesn’t need too; it’s sort of like shoplifting. The only beverage ever consumed by Ryan is milk and his only food is chicken in a biscuit. Milk rules, yet Chicken in a biscuit sucks hard to the core. It tastes like the floor outside of the exit to the drunken person’s never ending Tilt-a-whirl. He takes a suspicious amount of antibiotics probably for all of his crippling STDs, damn slipped again.
He and I can now longer occupy the same room, we’re both the most sarcastic people ever seen, we also end all of our sentences with “idiot,” it never gets old. He likes anime a lot too, which I hate, also after going through his internet bookmarks there was a ridiculous amount of Anime porn sites, I guess that’s where the interest comes in.
That’s pretty much an overview of Gut as a person, I didn’t even touch on his shameless womanizing, well I did do a roundabout review of that with all the STD mentions. Maybe a 2nd installment is in order, depends on whether or not he breaks my thumbs after reading this, keep me in your prayers.
Bob
Alright, our maneurisms and sarcastic whit are on an level playing field, which makes for an interesting arguement. Although they usually end with me tearing off one on my many layers of shirts that I wear, and making Bob cry. But in all reality Bobby has become an essential addition to FlantLine Comics which pleases me to no end, he has went from “no talent hack,” all the way to “competent.” I will end my first paragraph as he did, and give you an outside perspective of the man behind the mask; Bob.
In contrast the artistic images of Bob are quite accurate, he really does look Jewish, it’s amazing, and he does a Jew voice that kills. He even whines like a Jew, such as depicted in the comics. He once told me “I like to spend the money I make, not the money I already have,” If you could think of a more Jewish thing to say, please send me an e-mail with it included. In many of the comics Bob is also depicted wearing an And1 t-shirt or longsleeve, this is also accurate, and a Bob-o trademark.
As Bob mentioned he likes to correct people’s grammar; because he is a total chode. It is one of those things that dont even get a curtousy grin when he says it. The only thing that keeps Bob doing this is his own feeling of superiority for a couple seconds, which keeps him content for days.
SURE i’ve made a lot of gay jokes and remarks about Bob, but that’s for good reason. THere is just an aura around him that screams ass rangler. Everytime something gay happens and he is present it is directed squarely at him. You can even ask him about that one, no lie the gay vibe isnt something you can learn and he really seems to light up the gay-dar so I’ll keep you posted on that situation.
Music taste, I listen to all sorts of stuff and yes there IS a cd in my car which I labeled “supa fresh rap cd” I’ll admit that. I like most of the stuff Bob does so I have no complaints about that.
Bob DOES although always come to my house bare-foot. Which I think is kinda weird, I think he has socks? Kinda creeps me out him and his nude feet. Who knows where he has been walking he seems to be a frequent visitor to the public restrooms, who knows? I think next time he comes over I’ll just pour peroxide all over him right before he enters my house, then let him air dry. (if anyone has any jail strength de-louse please send information for me)
According to Bob anything that people do in a group is a bad thing, for reference mearly check out his editorials/reviews. The only group activity I had ever seen him participate and enjoy is when me and him coop and kick some computer ass at Empire Earth. We both agree that the internet, especially multiplayer gaming is too full of idiots for us to enjoy a game.
